Five things you shouldn’t say to your CIO about cloud computing ...

Five things you shouldn’t say to your CIO about cloud computing (How to make an as-a-Service (aaS) of yourself)

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So your proposal for a cloud migration has gone through and your CIO has received higher-level approval from the ‘suits’ across the boardroom table. The CEO’s kids mentioned cloud ‘apps’ once to him/her and the CFO thinks he/she knows what a datacentre is, so the whole thing has started to go through the channels.

You get called into a management meeting in your capacity as a senior Architectural Resource Services Engineer (work out your own acronym) and your goal is to explain some of what’s going to happen when you shift skywards to cloud platforms.

What you meant to say was just how inherently flexible the cloud model is and how new resource agility can be brought to bear upon more modular and controllable line of business functions in the workplace.

Somehow though… that’s kind of not what came out…

Here are the five things you probably never want to say when talking about cloud computing:

How to make an as-a-Service (aaS) of yourself

1. The great thing about cloud computing is that it doesn’t matter where your cloud hosting supplier really comes from. We’re not really worried about issues relating to compliance and location-specific governance controls so we’ve gone for a super-cheap cloud provider located in a rogue nation banana republic run by a new-age despotic dictator. Cloud services provided by La Cucaracha Hosting from the tiny island of Inexistente come with a free bottle of rum for every 10 terabytes consumed, so it must be a good deal.

2. Cloud services are inherently secure and therefore don’t need the kinds of firewall, antivirus and anti-malware protection that we applied to our traditional computing structures. As such, we’re going to start with the company payroll, our internal customer communications server and our most mission critical systems direct to cloud without assessing which ones might be more suited to on-premises or perhaps hybrid hosting. Anyway, cloud is cheaper all round, so it’s a win win.

3. Our cloud hosting provider has a DevOps logo on its website, so we’re going to trust them with all our core developer & operations software delivery methodologies as they clearly know this stuff. Okay so they’re not a programming specialist or a dedicated operations outfit, but they’ve obviously heard how DevOps is cool these days and they promised that we’ll all get “I Love Big Data” t-shirts as part of our new Service Level Agreement. Next year they’re even going to tell us what Hadoop is.

4. Our new cloud provider service is a ones size fits all solution, we don’t see the need to tinker around with different memory, processing, application compute structures any more – we just plug in and go. Cloud is kind of like a multi-purpose construction workshop tool after all – I mean we can use it as jackhammer, a screwdriver, a bag of nails and a monkey wrench. I mean cloud really does it all for you at the backend.

5. We’ll probably only ever need one cloud provider, ever – so we’re not bothering with a cloud backup plan. They tried to sell us Disaster Recovery-as-a-Service (DRaaS) but that’s clearly just a made up acronym and cloud is kind of like one big backup anyway right?

How did you do?

Thankfully this initial performance seems to have gone down pretty darn well.  Thankfully also, you’ve been on a presentation training course and you know that a good show structure is all about: say what you’re going to say, say it, then say what you’ve said – so now is a good chance to sum up. Basically then, our new cloud computing service comes from an unstable banana republic with no security controls, no disaster recovery policy and no specifically optimised service layers. We do however get free drinks, t-shirts and a new logo to put on our customer portal saying that we are ‘La Cucaracha Approved’.

Life is looking good! Step back and absorb the applause.

Remember, don’t be like Jim:

I am the Group Chief Marketing Officer at Crayon. My team are focused on driving enhanced lead generation campaigns and nurturing for our sales organisations across multiple geographies though the utilisation and coordination of all online and offline communication channels. We are driving increased brand awareness in the business's core competency areas of Software Asset Management (SAM), cloud and volume licensing solutions and associated consultancy services. I have over 20 years of senior business leadership experience within direct marketing/direct sales and mass distribution businesses, in both the B2B and B2C markets serving on the boards of both private and public multinational corporations.