Jim and Tonic, followed by Goodfellas
I’m still trying out my Jim the Telecoms man guise. Have you heard my joke? Oh, OK. Isn’t it brilliant? Sometimes, you only need to have one joke and repeat it constantly in all situations, to everyone. If you can find a classic joke, it’ll work forEVER. Like a Private Branch Exchange for humour, it’ll never need updating.
Still, we can’t sit here conferencing all day can we? We’re not in marketing!
Here’s today’s Diary entry. I just recorded a new answering machine message. What do you think?
“Hello, this is Jim the Telecoms Manager. You can leave a message at the end, but I won’t get back to you! Frankly mate, I haven’t got time for that old nonsense. I’ve got everything working just the way I want it. I’m an old-fashioned telecoms guy and if you don’t like it you’ll have to get used to it. Don’t rock the boat. It’s my way or the Internet Superhighway.”
But I digress.
You know how they say dogs look like they’re owners? It’s a bit like that with technology. I might not look like a Private Branch Exchange, but we do have the same indomitable qualities as an old-fashioned phone system. We’re reliable, we’ve done the same job for years, we’re not going anywhere and you can’t move us. We’re like the Paulie, the neighbourhood Mafia boss in my favourite gangster film, Goodfellas. We’re great believers in old-fashioned ways of communicating. You work around us, capiche? Me and the PBX don’t move fast because, as the narrator says about Paulie, we don’t have to move fast for anyone.
Goodfellas is one of my favourite films and we often have it playing on the VHS in my department when it’s quiet. Often, there’s not much to do as the PBX never goes down. I love the scene when Paulie ends up in fantastic living quarters when he ends up in prison. He looks as comfortable as me in my office. Classic! Like a PBX. It never has to change.
That’s the way to live. It all worked out well for Paulie.
Or did it? Facepalm!
I’ve been asked to contribute a few lines to a company presentation. They told me to be honest, rather than too aspirational and corporate. They want to see the real me. Must admit I am struggling at the moment. Very difficult. So far all I’ve got is the ending. See what you think:
“I want people with a That’ll do attitude. We need to be ahead of the game. We want to be focused. Let’s be in pole position in the race out the door. We must beat the Friday traffic. I want a ‘Pub First’ team that’s leading the charge to the bar.”
OK, that’s just a rough draft, and I might need to make some compromises. But it’s good to do a brain dump – the thoughts that are foremost in my brain – to start the ball rolling.
I took the liberty of sending this early draft off, with a copy going to the CEO.
I hear there’s been some feedback. Apparently it’s not good. Whatever could be the matter?
Oh hang on, what’s this coming in?
I’ve got sent some ‘feedback’ on my presentation. Might have to rework a few things, I’m told. I’ll wait until the memo comes through the internal post. That’ll kick the problem into the long grass for a couple of days. Classic!
Meanwhile, I have got other problems. Well, challenges I call them. So I will come back to this diary later. Frankly, I’m rushed off my feet. I’ve got a videotape to return to the local library and it closes in 45 minutes. Plus I’ve got to pick up another roll of waxy paper for the fax machine and the shop closes early on Wednesdays! I can’t delegate anyone to do it, because I want the job to be done right. (Last time I sent the deputy comms manager, Arthur, but he forget to get a stamp on my Ryman’s loyalty card). Now I can’t find my bicycle clips. Good grief. The pressure of this job can get to you. It would kill a lesser man.
I’m an old-fashioned guy and I like to keep things simple. Some people have a Digital First policy. Some say they’re Mobile First. If I had to give my strategy a name, I guess I’d call it Mañana First.